Imagine this: You’re at your favourite coffee shop. You order a medium latte, but the barista hands you a small instead. What do you do? Most people might sigh, accept it, and move on. But what if I told you that in those few seconds, you missed a perfect opportunity to sharpen your negotiation skills?
These skills can help you get that larger latte, a better salary, or even land the perfect house. Today, I’m sharing with you the seven secrets of the art of negotiation—strategies backed by psychology and proven in high-stakes situations, from boardrooms to hostage negotiations. So grab a coffee, hopefully the right size, and let’s dive in.
Negotiation: A Skill for Everyday Life
Negotiation isn’t just about business deals. It happens everywhere—when deciding on a vacation with your partner, handling a conflict at work, or convincing your kids to eat their vegetables. Yet, so many people fear it, thinking it’s about confrontation.
The truth? Negotiation is an art, and with practice, you can master it.
The First Rule: Focus on Interests, Not Positions
A mindset shift can change the way you negotiate. Let’s take the classic “two kids and one orange” example. Instead of arguing over who gets the orange, their parent asks why they want it. One child needs the peel for baking, while the other wants the fruit to eat. By focusing on their interests rather than their positions, both kids get exactly what they want.
This principle applies to real-life negotiations. The more you understand the other party’s interests, the better you can craft a solution that works for both sides.
How to Uncover Interests
The key? Ask open-ended questions.
Instead of saying, “I want more money” when negotiating a raise, try:
👉 “What would it take for me to qualify for a higher salary?”
This shifts the conversation from a demand to a collaborative discussion.
The 7 Secrets of Negotiation
1. Always Prepare in Advance
A great negotiation starts before you even sit at the table. Research your counterpart, understand their needs, and set clear goals.
📌 Example: If you’re buying a car, check its market value and be ready with alternatives. The more informed you are, the more confident and persuasive you’ll be.
2. Anchor the Conversation
The first number mentioned in a negotiation tends to set the tone. This is called anchoring.
📌 Example: If you’re selling a product, start with a price slightly higher than your target. This frames the discussion around your terms and gives you room to negotiate.
3. Use the Power of Silence
Silence is uncomfortable. Many people feel the need to fill the gap by conceding. Use this to your advantage.
📌 Example: If you’re asking for a discount, say, “Can you do better on the price?”—then stay silent. The seller might lower the price just to break the awkward pause.
4. Use ‘How’ Questions
Open-ended “How?” questions encourage problem-solving instead of confrontation.
📌 Example: If your landlord wants to raise the rent, ask:
👉 “How am I supposed to manage that increase with my current budget?”
This shifts the focus to collaboration rather than resistance.
5. Build Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
Your BATNA is your backup plan. The stronger it is, the more confident and persuasive you’ll be.
📌 Example: If you’re negotiating a job offer and have another offer, say:
👉 “I appreciate this offer, but another company is offering X. Can you match or exceed that?”
6. Address Negative Emotions
Acknowledging emotions can defuse tension.
📌 Example: If you’re late to a meeting, don’t ignore it. Instead, say:
👉 “I understand this delay might have frustrated you, and I appreciate your patience.”
This resets the emotional tone and keeps the conversation productive.
7. Aim for “That’s Right”
People agree with you when they feel understood. To confirm this, summarize their concerns and priorities.
📌 Example: If a vendor is reluctant to lower their price, say:
👉 “It seems like you’re concerned about maintaining product quality while offering a discount. Is that right?”
Once they say, “That’s right,” you’ve established common ground.
Real-World Examples of Negotiation in Action
✅ Flea Market Bargain
You’re at a flea market, eyeing a vintage lamp priced at $50. Instead of haggling immediately, you ask:
👉 “How long have you had this lamp?”
The seller replies, “A few months, and it hasn’t sold.” Now you know they’re eager to move it. You say:
👉 “It seems like you want to clear inventory. How about $30?”
By combining empathy, silence, and timing, you increase your chances of getting a better deal.
✅ Home Renovation Deal
A contractor quotes $10,000 for renovations. You counter with $8,000, but they refuse. Instead of pushing back aggressively, you say:
👉 “It seems like you’re concerned about the scope of work fitting within that budget. How can we adjust the project to make this work for both of us?”
This keeps the conversation collaborative and leads to a creative compromise.
Handling Bad-Faith Negotiators
Not everyone plays fair. Some people use intimidation or deceit. Stay calm and call it out.
📌 Example: If a car dealer says, “This offer is only good for today,” reply:
👉 “It seems like you’re trying to create urgency. Why isn’t this price available tomorrow?”
By addressing the tactic directly, you regain control of the conversation.
Final Thoughts: Negotiation Is a Learnable Skill
Negotiation isn’t a talent; it’s a skill you can develop. Start small. Ask for an upgrade at a hotel, a discount at a store, or a better seat on a flight. Each success builds your confidence.
And now, let’s test what you’ve learned. Here’s my negotiation with you:
👉 If you found this article valuable, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Deal? 😉
